Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
