So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
