As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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