I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
