just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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