i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
