your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
