Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize