Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
