So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
