you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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