we're chasing vodka with high fives
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
