haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
