i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
