Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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