I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Randomize
