Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
