Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
