Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
