Say something about gay babies.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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