yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
COCAINE IS GR8
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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