When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
