the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
