I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize