Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
