I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Such a big mess for such a small penis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize