My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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