apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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