I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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