Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
