Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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