I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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