so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
