Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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