Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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