I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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