I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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