I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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