Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
