I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
