she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He has the fingertips of a God
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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