Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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