I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
