hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
