$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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