Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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