If that was your dad, he is hot
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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