I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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