Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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