But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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