just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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