At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
