tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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