1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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