Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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