It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
