I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
