I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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