Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
