i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
