On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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