You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
