Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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