I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
